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20131101
20131130
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COM 72
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English 72
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 72 (some duplicates have been removed)
, like all of you, i have enjoyed watching obama's signature piece of legislation unravel like a loose burrito in a backpack. (laughter) i do not think there has been a time in american history when a president got this unpopular this fast-- other than that one time. >> president obama's predicament has prompted comparisons with where president bush was at this point in his presidency and the aftermath of hurricane katrina. >> is this obama's political katrina? >> stephen: yes, it's exactly like katrina but, of course, there's one thing you can't say to president obama! >> brownie, you're doing a heck of a job. (audience reacts). (laughter) oh, oh, oh, that is just wrong. because he's not doing a heck of a job. the point is, obama couldn't make health care work, so his legacy is now set-- bad at using technology to extend life, good at using technology to end it. (audience reacts) and this failure goes beyond the web site, folks. remember, the president repeatedly said "if you like your plan, you can keep it." but now millions of plans are being canceled. so last week, the president he
panels got her. (laughter) prove me wrong, obama! folks, this affects me very deeply. over the past month, obamacare lady and i grew very close. (laughter) i mean, we had an instant connection until it disconnected me. (laughter) still, we spent a lot of time together loading and buffering and refreshing. i shared more with her than i ever have with a picture of a woman. (laughter) my full name, my yearly income, apartment and/or suite number, i even told her that i'm not pregnant. (laughter) that i know of. (laughter) i've searched everywhere on the internet for her, all across the health care sites, over at the white house site. i even did a stock photo search for "vaguely ethnic smiling woman." (laughter) nothing. maybe those laughing salad ladies know something. (laughter) why are you laughing? (laughter) how can you eat at a time like this? (laughter) we have to find her, nation. and i have made a composite sketch, okay? if anyone see this is woman -- (laughter). please, please contact me immediately. nation, i don't know about you, but i am so sick and tired of europe with their his
a low point this is in barack obama's presidency. hard to overstate but not impossible. >> president obama now finds himself compared to president george w. bush as in the problems with the health care plan have become president obama's katrina. >> is this obama's katrina moment. >> president obama's katrina moment. [ laughter ] >> jon: hurricane katrina? i believe we've all seen the damning photos of presidential flyover surviving the human suffering of the healthcare.gov web site from a safe distance. i'm not trying to polish the dot terd that is healthcare.gov but comparing the government abdication of responsibility during hurricane katrina, death of hundreds of people, the displacement of hundreds of thousands of people to a bleeb (bleep) web site is offensive apparently to the people in charge during hurricane katrina. >> katrina was a real after but we also had jurisdictional challenges because we had a mayor. we had a governor of louisiana that was a challenge to work with. >> that is andy card saying it's not fair to president bush to compare the healthcare.gov rollout to k
administration and the obama administration? because you guys were so tough on bush and so in love with obama. (laughter) >> right. that's not what president obama would say. they don't seem to think we're very easy on him. but, look, we cover all president it is same way. we try to be tough but fair and try to find out what's going on. >> let's find out how tough and fair you are because you have a new book called "days of fire: bush and cheney in the white house." okay, um, i'm going to draw -- a line right now, okay? i love this man. i love president bush. if i read your book-- and no promises-- if i read your book will i like him more or less? >> i think you'd like president bush. i think if you don't like him you'll see things in there that feed the argument. >> stephen: so it's a book trying to please everyone? >> trying to find a -- (laughter). trying to be a neutral book about two guys nobody feels neutral about so it's a challenge. >> because people don't feel neutral about these two guys. do we have a picture of these two guys on the cover there? there's bush and cheney. do they wal
announcement to make. i don't like barack obama. (laughter) there, i said it. where do i find the courage? i tell you why, folks, the man is a liar. remember how he sold us obamacare? >> if you like your insurance plan, you will keep it. >> stephen: but now millions of americans have had their coverage ripped from them. i believe it's the plot of "taken 3." (laughter) first it was his daughter, then his wife, now they've taken his health plan. (laughter) i have particular set of skills. yes, i'll hold. well, folks, we finally got the hard numbers on obamacare's disastrous first month. stop, hemmer time. >> fox's alert now. we get our first look at the obamacare enroll. numbers and this has a long way to go. "wall street journal" reports fewer than 50,000 americans successfully signed up. >> stephen: 50,000! to put that into perspective, that is fewer people than watch "up late" with alec baldwin. (laughter) just look at the numbers, folks. there are 48 million uninsured americans. that comes out to a .1% acceptance rate. so obamacare is 58 times harder to get into than harvard! (laughter)
is the obama administration taking this diplomatic setback? >> oh, they really needed this one, jon. obama just really needed a win. >> jon: it's been a rough couple months with the president. >> the whole mess with the nsa, congress holding up his appointments ant healthcar.gov roll out was pathetic. >> jon: nightmare. >> a disaster stuffed in a traf industry wrapped in inexmp tense. they call the a cluster (bleep) now this softwear glitch. >> jon: what is that? >> when you try to sign up for obamacare your computer punches you in the dick. [laughter] >> jon: what if you don't have -- >> in your dick. [ laughter ] i mean -- how do you not think about that when you design a web site? obama just wants something to go right for a change. he is so desperate for a win he is playing call of duty on easy to rack up achievements it's a punk move. >> jon: it is a punk move. it's (bleep). i would never do thank i know. his staff is trying trying to cm up. they have him on the white house basketball court right now trying to build up his confidence. >> jon: did they lower the rim for him? >> yeah, just a
nominations. half of them have occurred during the obama administration. only 23 district court nominations have been filibustered in the entire history of our country, 23. you know what? 20 of them have been in the last four and a half years. >> stephen: hey, republicans wouldn't have to block them if obama nominated conservatives, like, say, republican senator chuck hagel. i mean, that guy-- what's that? they filibustered him, too? well, that just proves they're bipartisan. they'll filibuster anyone obama nominates. ( laughter ) and we can't trust the democrats with all this powers, folks. they can't do anything right. at harry reid's press conference announcing the end of the filibuster, they misspelled filibuster with two "ls." ( laughter ) that says philly-busters, which i assume are cops who arrest female horses. ( laughter ) and i don't even believe the democrats are really against the filibuster. because their poster clearly says they're again-sts this spem. but they niewkd it. they went ahead and niewkd it. what's going to happen in washington now? something? we were this close to
solo cup! we will be right ba ba >> stewart: we are back. so as we have been hearing, president obama's healthcare plan rollout is called the worst rollout since crystal meth pepsi and made the president some fierce adversaries. >> if you watch jon stewart you are in deep trouble. >> if you lost jon stewart you are in trouble. >> even jon stewart taking shots at obamacare, what impact does that have on the whole public dialogue? >> stewart: what impact does me have on the public dialogue? well, it introduces to the healthcare debate the term (bleep) punt. i don't think it has been used prior. and it is now, according to the affordable care act covered. but i guess it is very significant that even jon stewart, even jon stewart has turned against it. i can't recall even i don't know stewart ever doing that before. >> "the daily show" host jon stewart joabl joked that the white house stayers have been reading their e-mails. if he lost jon stewart, i am just saying -- >> even jon stewart has been hammering at this. >> even i don't know stewart was turk on, turning on the president saying
is like an impossibly hip club that covers your rip replacement. so come on, obama, there's got to be a v.i.p. list. i tried showing up to the web site with two models and a bag of coke. but all i got was two coked up models! (laughter) god, they need some health care. i'll just keep trying, but in the meantime, mr. president, please do not fix the web site. i wouldn't want this exclusive club to be ruined by a bunch of poor people. (laughter) and, folks, i believe the only thing worse than obama's web site is his lack of foresight. now, our neville chamberlain in chief loves surrendering to america's enemies and this weekend he sent secretariat of state john kerry to wave the white flag at iran. >> secretary of state john kerry is in switzerland to negotiate a possible break through to freeze iran's nuclear program. >> the united states is largely looking for iran to take the first step in curbing its nuclear activity. >> the white house has reportedly prepared to offer the iranians limited relief from crippling economic sanctions if they agree to temporarily halt their nuclear program f
obama's latest attack on religious freedom, you can no lodge presence for preexisting naughtiness then can we trust what we read on the internet. i've got one weird trick that will help you find out. >> and going behind the scenes at fox news, i wonder how much peanut put ter takes to make fresh bear look like he's talks. >> they say halfway around the world a lie before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. why does the truth have its pants off. this is the colbert report captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) . (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you, good to you have with us. nation,. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen, please, sit down. folks, nation, the big news continues to be the slow motion train wreck that is the rollout of the president's signature legislation the affordable care act, or as most people care it barakocare. everyone is getting screwed by the web site but the true victim of this health care disa
is on the run. plus barack obama assured when ordering a strike there must be near certainty that no civilians will be killed or injured. and that's the kind of almost sure thing i'm willing to bet somebody else's life on. (laughter) now folks, this has been great for the local pakistani economy because of the constant presence of circling drones, sales of sleeping tablets, anti-depressants and medicine to treat anxiety have soared as well as pills for erectile dysfunction. (laughter) yes, there's a reason that cialis coup sell sitting outside in bathtubs, because that's all that's left after the drone blew up their house. (laughter) but folks, as universally effective as our drone program is, there is one place on earth they should never be used, jim? >> drones, america's number one weapon against al qaeda much but what happened when big brother brings them home. >> a new generation of surveillance drone kos soon be watching us all from overhead. >> that could be as many as 30,000 of these kind of drones. they will, in effect, bring every single backyard in america into the authorities view.
as a deeply relige-- religious man i know the devil takes many mores but mostly barack obama. and there is yet another serious side effect of barackocare, loss of religious freedom. >> one key concern is the hhs contraception pan date which will require employers to make sure employees have access to health insurance coverage that provides cost free contraception. >> opponents of the pan date say it's going to make business owners violate their religious convictions by forcing them to provide insurance coverage for employees that includes all types of birth control. >> stephen: yup, mandated birth control. just the first step in obama's plan to-- plan to get the whole country hooked on the pill. i think they are slipping into the drinking water already because i know i have been having some very light periods am i'm not saying nothing, but pretty light. now some people, some people are demanding their rights but some legal persons didn't have-- don't have mouths. they're called corporations. and their crusade brings us to tonight's word. (cheers and applause) in god we trust. folks, one of the
. >> stephen: whose fault is this? is this obama's fault? >> it is not obama's fault. >> stephen: obamacare. i meant obamacare. is it obamacare's fault? >> no, this is not the part of obamacare. the problem here has been growing for three decades. we didn't recognize it because we basically turned our backs on the problem. >> stephen: as a rich person, i'm getting a little scared that the poors may come and take what i have there's only 1% of us. we're an oppressed minority. >> stephen, do not be scared. if, in fact, we have a more equitable society where more people have a chance to make it, where there's a wider circle of prosperity you are going to do better, i guarantee it. >> stephen: that a money-back guerin see in >> i'm not going to give you any money back, no. >> stephen: what if the poor or middle-class had something that we rich people wanted to buy? you know? surely they have plentiful organs and daughters. isn't there something that we could purchase from them so they can get money? >> yes, well, you could purchase -- we could have a higher minimum wage, for example, and more peop
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 72 (some duplicates have been removed)